I was born in the 1970s, the second of five “spirited” children, as my mother described us in her obituary she wrote for herself*. I laughed when I read that, and I know others did too. If you’ve ever known me or my family, then you understand. Legendary stories of a vibrant, adventurous, daring, honest and real family. Troublemakers, in our own ways. Fun and wild! Good neighbors, helpers and community members. Never a dull moment. Nomads, yet rooted wherever we were. A real family built on solid ground. We made friends easily and an impact everywhere we went, our parents leading the charge. They walked the walk, not just talked the talk. We were raised by a real life saint and the “change guy”, as my dad was called in his career. He still is. Integrity, faith and natural consequences were important to them. We were taught to face it till you make it, not fake it till you make it. Easier said than done. They challenged us and had our backs, even if it didn’t always feel that way. And we learned how to work hard. When we were little, my successful and committed father loved when we would walk on his back, to relieve some of the pressure he carried as a solid career and family man. I loved it too! I practiced a lot and got good at it. As a curious and bright 6 year old, I started to understand the importance of strong backs. 6 year olds know what’s up, in a lot of ways. I always learn so much from them, it’s one of my favorite ages and stages. They’re open, intuitive and inquisitive. Sometimes quiet and contemplative, sometimes talkative and spirited! They absorb so much and are smarter than they get credit for. They ask the best questions and keep you on your toes. They also have a built in bullshit detector, which makes some adults uncomfortable. They are incredibly brave. As many powerful leaders and famous legends know, and something I learned from one of my wisest teachers, “if you can’t explain it to a 6 year old, you don’t understand it”. So true. It’s why kindergarten and first grade teachers are some of the best communicators, story tellers, gifted listeners and organized leaders that I’ve ever known. Chaos coordinators, cruise directors, safety nets, spiritual guides, creative problem solvers and emotional supporters. Calms in the storms and experts in patience! Solid grounding, with the biggest hearts. All with the added pressure of delivering serious and important content and curriculum to the masses- of varying abilities, backgrounds and life experiences. They even have good strategies for dealing with bullies. A life long problem. They deserve a special crown, and a big fat raise. They’re the whole package. The real deal. Where would we be without them? The ultimate backers.

I feel the same way about Mister Rogers- he was a role model and inspirational leader for so many of us who grew up with him, at a time when we needed his powerful message on our television screens and in our lives. Helping us make sense of the changing world around us. Simple wisdom and gentle truth. He had our backs. A few years pre-Covid, I drug my kids to an old school movie theater, in the city I moved to when I was 7. My home and community until age 12. A trip down memory lane, an important place to visit once in a while. Looking back. Take me back. Time travel back. We saw the Mister Rogers documentary “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” (NOT the Hollywood movie starring Tom Hanks, although I bet that one is good too). Two teenagers and one pre-teen. I’ll just say, it’s the last place they wanted to go on that spring day, at that time in their life, to see a movie they had zero interest in. It was across the city on a rare open Sunday, to a theater without all the modern bells and whistles. Nothing spectacular, but all the best candy! There was plenty of resistance, push back, strategizing, persistence and ultimately surrender. Troopers. After a tearful stop for a legit Mediterranean brunch and some other unexpected adventures, we made it to our destination. Everyone in that theater together on that rainy day was moved to tears, including my 3 boys. Not a dry eye. They got it. The entire theater erupted into clapping and cheering when it was over. The true story of being a good friend, neighbor and helper. Doing our best, doing the right thing and the power behind it. A simple message of kindness, generosity, compassion, trust and love. Universal and unconditional love. It’s also what Jesus preached and taught us- the 5 Virtues of the Heart. In other words, having each others backs.

I’ve learned a lot more about backs since I was 6. A dynamic education filled with extraordinary teachers, from every walk of life. I might be well on my way to becoming a master. I’ve had a lot of experience and practice taking care of painful backs of all kinds. New backs and old backs. Weak backs and strong backs. Irritated and tight backs. Needy and hurting backs. Open and closed backs. Tired and worn out backs. Maybe I’ve walked on yours too, scratched it, rubbed it, held it, worked on it, drawn on it, touched it, repaired it, ginger compressed it, massaged it, patted it, gently nudged it.

Backs are everything. Spine. Cervical. Thoracic. Lumbar. Vertebrae. Structure. Numbers. Letters. Measurement. Building blocks. Spinal column. Support. Spinal cord. Spinal fluid. Spinal tap. Center. Protection. Physical. If you break it, you are forever changed. If it goes out, your life stops in its tracks. If you tweak it, it immobilizes you. If you crack it in the right way, it feels good for a bit. If it hurts, you heat it, rub it, move it until it flows. If it’s tight, you stretch it. If it’s not stable and balanced, the pain radiates down, up and to the sides. If it’s not solid, every area of your life and livelihood is impacted. Your walk, movement, vitality, flexibility, relationships and other vital functions all suffer. If it’s too much to bear, you seek help. Doctors, spine specialists, orthopaedics, innovative machines, massage therapists, osteopaths, creative contraptions, chiropractors, radiation, surgeries, PT’s, OT’s, electricity, injections, salves, numbing, therapeutic exercises, prescriptions, herbal remedies, acupuncturists, temporary relief, painful “fixes”, oils, functional medicine. A big old soup pot of options to solidify your Tree of Life. Emotional. Therapy. Psychotherapy. Talk therapy. Art therapy. Music therapy. Meds. Breath work. Diagnosis. Imbalances. Mental Health. Aromatherapy. Supplements. Hypnotherapy. Vitamins. Mindfulness. Meditation. Minerals. Martial Arts. Yoga. Pause. Who has your back? Who doesn’t have your back? How did it happen? Who can you blame? What can you blame? Who can you trust? Who’s fault is it? Does he have my back? Does she have my back? What’s broken? How do we repair it? What’s the answer? Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Is it me? What’s the problem? Is it solvable? Confusion. If you don’t fully understand it, you can’t fix it. Back and forth.

A living, strong and majestic tree gives us a clue to the importance of a solid structure and the right conditions for it to thrive and grow. To reach for the sky. Nature and nurture. The tree’s overall health, vitality and longevity starts with its foundation, the roots. Where is it planted? Is it deep? Balanced with the essential elements and nutrients? The right amount of light? Dark? Is it protected? Adaptable to dis-ease? Healthy collaboration with other species? We can learn a lot from a tree. Back to the future.

I love good architecture and have known some talented and inspiring architects in my life- friends, teachers, students, supporters and guides. My oldest son studies Architecture at the University of Minnesota. The famous Weisman Art Museum, a Frank Gehry masterpiece, was out the window of his freshman year dorm- Comstock Hall, an equally impressive art deco structure in the heart of it all. It’s where he met his lifelong friends. They lived there together just as covid was headed our way, solidifying their friendship. The ultimate lego builder and creator-he even had the best lego birthday party as a child to match. And he knows a few things about backs too. Those drawn to architecture know the importance of integrity. A solid structure, blueprint, materials, foundation, building, design, home. Something that stands the test of time and is built to last. Longevity. Truth. The backbone.

Have you ever thought about what it means to have your own back? I have, especially over the past few years when I was pushed to learn more about my own and how I take care of it. What I am made of. I’ve never had real back issues, so I had to look closer to understand the strength and stability of my back, from a new lens. My structure, my integrity, my foundation, my life, my livelihood. All of my experience and practice with caring for and having the backs of others came in handy and helped me through a time of my own transition and change. Preparing to build a new life. On March 1, 2020, right as we were all starting to talk about the possibility of a real global pandemic hitting, my husband of over two decades and I announced our amicable divorce. A huge endeavor. We shared a full life, together and separate, filled with three awesome kids, big and loving families, careers, hobbies, community projects and tons of wonderful friends. We had walked through hard things together before and were as prepared as we could be, but never could have predicted the twists and turns the world and our lives would take us over the next couple of years. Divorce is hard under “normal” circumstances, and a pandemic divorce certainly had its own unique challenges. Some seemed insurmountable at the time. Truth is stranger than fiction, that’s for sure. I prefer non-fiction over fiction. A real and life changing journey. Back to life, back to reality.

I have been tested, in every imaginable way. Almost everything and everyone I’ve ever known and trusted showed up and came into question. Focus. Where would I put my attention? Who had my back? What did they want from me? What did they need from me? I didn’t know for sure, so I had to learn how to trust myself in new ways and have my own back. There were times when my late mother and grandmother were the only people I could trust to have my back (outside of myself and my kids). A scary place to be. Yet comforting too. Sometimes we have to fumble around in the dark and find the way on our own. Use all of our senses. All of our skills. No one can learn our lessons for us, just like we can’t learn others lessons for them. We have to do the work ourselves. When we are ready, in our own natural timing. Our divorce was finalized on our 23rd wedding anniversary in 2021. Full circle. A special gift wrapped and delivered in a thoughtful package, just how I like it.

This past week my wise, loyal and beautiful friend since age 12 was sharing with me a conversation she had with her amazing 15 yr old daughter about not everybody having your back. It was honest and from a place of love. When she speaks, I listen. A lightbulb, an understanding, a waking up. You know the truth when you hear it and see it, just by how it feels. I love when that happens! Moving forward, not backward.

It’s spring in Minnesota. A little unpredictable, like always. Sunny and warm one day, freezing and snowing the next. And some rain and thunderstorms scattered in between. Snowboots or sandals? Tank tops or wool sweaters? Windows open or closed? The snow is melted, the ground is mushy and everything is a bit messy. Preparation for new growth. Buds sprout. Flowers bloom. Babies are born. New life is revealed. I live in a magical oak forest, as some of you have had the pleasure of experiencing for yourselves. It’s a sanctuary, filled with joy, beauty, surprises, life, peace, healing and connection. Nature has the ability to bring us exactly what we need when we need it, if we choose to see it and receive it. Gifts and treasures everywhere, all around us. Presence and patience. The morning of my middle sons 18th birthday on March 21, 2020 (spring equinox baby), while we all were adapting to lock down life and quarantine, I was hiking in my woods. I noticed a sliver of something sparkly in a distance, off of my trail. I went to see what it was, thinking it was just springtime garbage to be disposed of. I was surprised to see it was an old deflated “Happy Birthday” balloon from a past faraway party that must have floated into my woods and had been buried for who knows how long. I cleaned it off and a simple birthday balloon became the center decoration for his unique pandemic birthday celebration, an official adult! One for the history books. It stayed up for a few weeks, and it brought so much joy! Ask and you shall receive.

I had been noticing a deserted winter sled that revealed itself in my bare woods this past week and was planning to go pick it up. As I was looking out my window this morning, my eyes caught something else deep in my woods, brightly colored, that I hadn’t noticed before. I got on my rain gear and set out to retrieve it, and the sled. When I got closer, I recognized it- durable binoculars my children used when they were younger. Made for adventures and childlike wonder. I remembered that I hadn’t seen them in their usual window sill spot since before winter. It made me smile imagining who brought them into the woods last year and what they were looking for. What game were they playing? What were they trying to see clearer? Taking a closer look at? A prop for filming a movie? Plotting out a new treehouse or disc golf course? Analyzing something that inspired them? The stories it could tell. Details. Dreaming. Imagination. Planning. Clarity. Clear vision. The answer to my question was revealed. Just what I needed, exactly when I needed it. Nature, in all its forms, has my back. Human nature.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

— Albert Einstein

Who has my back? A lifetime of real friends, family, neighbors, teachers and helpers from across the globe. Near and far. Strangers too. Showing up and supporting me in their own ways. Loving people of all ages, colors, strengths, genders, ethnicities and backgrounds. Some I’ve known since before I was born and others I’m just meeting now. And everyone in between. Some I’ve lived with, learned with, grieved with, cooked with, fought with, laughed with, celebrated with, created with, traveled with, worked with, exercised with, grown with, shared with. All parts of my life. Scattered everywhere- from every nook and cranny of North America, across Europe, Asia, Australia and the Caribbean Islands. North and South, East and West. A dear friend who has my back is just arriving in Bali as I’m writing this! Deep appreciation. Thank you.

The universe has my back too, and all of yours. Just like the wise Gabby Bernstein teaches about. Solid foundation and backing. Ask for what you need…and be prepared to receive it. Integrity = the outside matching the inside. Integration. Alignment. How you do anything is how you do everything. Look up, down and all around. Look forward.

I’ve got our backs,

Gretchen

*Happy May Day! A day of blossoming and flowers blooming. The last full day my beautiful mother, Jone Margret Welch See, experienced on this Earth she loved so much. A real Queen. A meaningful, abundant and joy filled life…and death- surrounded by love, beauty, care, honor and attention. In a space she created and a cardinal at her window. Graceful ending. Full circle. Cycle of life. Birth. Death. Rebirth. Change. Endings. Beginnings. Growth. Old. New. Transformation. Back to nature. Grandma Jone’s bright grandson Gordon turns 6 this week- a gift and treasure in her life, and ours. Bringing joy to the world!